A middle-aged man is lying on a cardboard and newspaper nest. Several papers have been opened up across the length of a green bench in the lightly manicured park. The afternoon sun dapples its way through magnificent oak trees. Butterflies move gracefully and aimlessly amongst the flower beds between some of the oaks. The bouquet rising from the flowers wafts delicately over the homeless man.
His bouquet is not so fetching. Clothing of indiscriminate style, with plaids and stripes clashing, fit loosely around his gaunt body.
He groans and shifts on his nest. “Owww.”
A passing park attendant, with the name badge “Mitch”, notices the groans. “Willie. You ok?”
“Bugger off, Mitch.”
“Listen, man. I told you we’re here to help. That bed at the Gospel Mission…”
“Leave me alone, dammit. Don’t want no holy-rollers nattering at me all fucken day.”
Willie rolls sideways carefully to get at least one ear away from Mitch.
“You can go through all the vowels you want, Willie. If you don’t want our help…”
Quietly, “Just bugger off.”
Mitch shrugs and saunters away toward Artists Circle, muttering, “Not sure they’d take the old grouch, anyway.”
From the bench, a muffled, “Heard that.”
Coming down the path from the Artists Circle, Willie hears the distinctive nattering of his arch enemies. He growls to himself, “If those damn holy-roller do-goodies stop here, I swear I’m gonna jump in the drink. I am. No fucken doubt about it…”
Three ladies come up to Willie’s bench to contemplate his back. As he tries to tighten into a fetal position, his back goes out entirely. “OOWWWW!”
He attempts to straighten his legs but spasms, and falls awkwardly off the bench. Willie’s head bounces hard against the edge of the bench.
The lead lady grimaces, “Ow, I felt that.”
Without his bidding – as he is apparently unconscious – Willie is taken in an ambulance to a clinic; he is prodded; tut-tutted over; shot up with an experimental depression drug, to which he has a bad reaction; spends the night in delirium; then, next day he is dumped surreptitiously back into the park onto a bench.
Later that day, Willie wakes up to find himself lying on a new cardboard-and-blanket nest on a different bench. His back is still sore and he now has a splitting headache; his clothes are all different and he is cold. Very cold.
Mitch comes by, holding two coffee cups, and sees someone who he thinks is Willie. His face is more drawn and grizzled than before. His body is shivering.
“Willie? Are you alright, Willie?”
With a quarter turn, Willie covers part of his exposed back. He roughly spits out, “Goddamn holy-rollers took me away again. Shot me up with something again. TELL ’EM TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!… Splitting headache…”
Mitch sees/smells that Willie has been cleaned up. He steps forward to pull Willie’s fresh blanket up onto his back. “Wouldn’t want the crows to peck away at your hindside, Willie.”
Showing his unappreciation for the uninvited help, Willie shifts so that the blanket falls away to uncover his back once more. As Mitch stands there for a minute, Willie begins to shiver again. He rolls ever so slowly to partially cover his back.
“What are we going to do with you, Willie? You know how I hate to load my quad with cold bodies.”
“B-b-bugger off! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! Don’t want your help!”
Mitch shakes his head in resignation. “I’ll just leave this extra coffee here below your head, Willie. Still hot.”
As Mitch walks away, Willie turns to peek with one eye to see if he is gone. Satisfied with his triumph of opposition, Willie turns to find the coffee. He captures the cup, wrapping his hand tightly around the warm sleeve. He slowly, carefully, puts one foot, then the other foot down onto the grass. The freshly cleaned blanket smells like chemicals.
“Damn holy-rollers. DON’T LIKE CHEMICALS. Kill you. KILL you, dammit! Want my own blanket.” He pulls the offending blanket off with his free hand and tosses it onto the bench-back.
He wraps both hands around the warm coffee cup. Fumbling and mumbling at the “stupid lid thing,” he pries it open enough to suck out a mouthful of hot liquid. “Too much cream. Makes it cold.”
After a while, Willie starts to shiver again. He absently reaches for the blanket and wraps it around his shoulders, then he shakes it down against his lower back, still holding the cup like a candle in his lap.
He slowly slips into a lean over his legs, then jerks back. Touching the cold bench slats, he jerks away. Willie shifts to find the right equilibrium, then slowly oscillates between the cold bench slats and leaning too far forward.
He dreams. The beach sand is sun-warmed hot. The bright blue sky stretches across the prairies forever. A hazy speck of darkness is away off on the horizon. Horses graze peacefully in a nearby meadow. Now a dark someone is racing through the grass, over the grass, scattering the horses in terror. The darkness flies right at Willie into his head and sticks inside, smashing around inside his mushy red head, smashing out all light, smashing…
Willie is shouting running between the oaks, past the dark pines, through the flowers, pounding, sweating… until he falls into a panting disorientation onto a bench.
No cardboard. No blanket.
He shivers in the shade of a dark hemlock.
Willie curls up like a withering fern into a tight fetal position.
Some time later, as the evening stars can almost be seen in the pastel sky, one of Mitch’s co-workers waves at Mitch from across the meadow. “Mitch!”
As Mitch nears, the co-worker points to a cold body curled up on the bench. “Know him?”
Mitch walks behind the bench to better see the heavily grizzled face. “Willie. Poor old Willie… Sad case.”
My sincere apologies to those who may have read some of what looks similar to this, from me, before. My Muse had placed them in a vase ready for their proper use at this time. This is a first draft of the beginning of the novel.
I use the technique of having each chapter being “owned” by one of the characters. That person’s thoughts are added in italics to the conversation. Does that work?
Warning: contains gratuitous use of the raw language use by millennials:
“Ducinda… please. Forgive me for interrupting but I have to go to the can rather badly.” CEO Kevin Ynqardi smiles at his now very uncomfortable Senior Manager of Analytics Development, Ducinda White.
She is stopped in mid-sentence, mouth open, one hand caught pointing to a bright screen full of code, head half-turned toward her notoriously flaky boss.
“Yeah, sorry, Ducinda. Do you mind very much just giving us one sentence of the findings?” He twists uncomfortably in his seat.
Titters erupt at varying amplitudes from the other eight senior managers seated around the thick-glass elliptical table.
“Ah… right… Well, simply, the generative adversarial algorithm that I was, briefly, trying to explain, has run its course. Our scrum team has gone over the options and we have…”
“How much?” Kevin squirms again.
Ducinda throws caution to the wind. “We need another two-and-a-half million…”
“Over what time period?”
“Three months.” Her shoulders sag as the bare reality is tabled without so much as a soft landing.
“It’ll take at least seven. You can have 5 million and I want reports every two weeks.” He drills past Ducinda’s pupils as she inhales sharply. “No more than half a page. One line per paragraph. Metrics to explain each assertion. If you use any trumperbolic shit you’ll be back to coding.”
Kevin smiles sweetly at her as he gets up. “There. That wasn’t hard, was it?”
At the glass door Kevin turns his head to the group. “You won’t need me for the rest of this, will you? All agreed? Good. Finish up. Wrap it tightly. Get it bloody-well DONE!”
He pushes on the exit palm-reader and the door slides open quickly.
Eagle among turkeys. Damnit. How the hell do I find some real spine! And creative brains!
He continues toward the glass-on-aluminum staircase and bounds up to the offices.
His phone buzzes. Slowing to a quick walk, Kevin reads a text then goes to a dozen emails that have piled up while he was in the meeting. Still climbing floors, he types a reply to the text.
“Ok,” mumbling as he palms through the door to his office level. “More gobbling from HR. I need a break.”
Kevin pulls his light-brown hair into place as he approaches his righthand-person, Leslee. The stand-upable desk is presently down and Leslee is hunched over his keyboard, seated on the very edge of his tan-leather chair.
“Kevin, did you text…”
“And you saw the notification from Justice…”
“Yeah.” Kevin palms his main door but only half-enters.
“Oh god. I hate that tone of yours.”
With a wry grin, “Distribute my workload, will you? Please?”
The only other raptor around here. A falcon. But definitely not a turkey.
Kevin smiles kindly, “A week. Can you give me a deciday?”
“Ten days!? Are you mad? This isn’t some mom-and-pop dime store operation, boss! What do you expect me to do – perform miracles?”
“Yes, please. Thank you, Leslee.” Kevin taps the edge of Leslee’s desk gently and enters his office, then sends over his shoulder, “Love you!” as the door zips closed.
Inside, Kevin stares blankly for a few precious minutes at the to-die-for view of the north shore mountains. His reverie is interrupted with Leslee’s coded beeps as the door bursts open.
Without turning, Kevin greets, “Sheila. Ever knock?” He continues staring at the window but now looks for the reflection of the Chair of the Board of Softdoc Inc., Sheila Hawkins.
Definitely a hawk. She won’t be caught traipsing down a fashion runway but people will turn to her first if something goes wrong. I just get the impossible tasks.
Leslee’s dark face shows in the reflection behind Sheila, shrugging his shoulders. The door zips closed, cutting off Leslee’s broad white grin.
“Kevin! Get your damn nose off that glass and turn around!”
He does turn with the intention of greeting his Chair with either a hug or at least a handshake, but she plops down into one of the comfortable chairs beside his bookcase. Sheila indicates the other chair with a firm wave. Kevin slips into it obediently.
Schoolmarm’s on the warpath. What’s got her shorts up her ass? And dressed for Tai Chi. Must have been interrupted.
Kevin reaches over to pat Sheila’s arm. “How many more millions can I make for you today, my dear?”
Sheila allows a smile to escape.
The way to her heart is through her purse.
Trying to get back to a severe expression, “I was at a meeting with old McKay…”
“I didn’t know he was into Tai Chi.”
“Kevin, the stock price over the last quarter has tanked.”
“As in, it has only risen three point eight percent over the previous quarter.”
“Right. What the hell’s going on? The atmosphere downstairs is, well, nice. You don’t get paid to keep this place contented like a herd of fucken milk-cows. They need to be tense! They need to be looking to conquer the world!” She spits it out. “Not looking like the offices of some fucken environmental NGO!”
She’s obviously never visited an environmental NGO!
Sheila gets up to take the advantage of height. “The stockholders are going to get mad as hell when they see the next financials!”
Kevin puts his fingers together delicately. “So, the eleven of us who own ninety-five percent of the stock…”
She points a finger to emphasize, “Ninety-ONE percent, NOW!”
“Sharing the wealth, my dear. The hard-working people around us in this money-factory do deserve a small part of the rewards.”
Unexpectedly to Kevin, that puts Sheila on the edge of red-faced outrage. “Sharing the wealth?! Are you out of your fucken HEAD?!” Sheila huffs several times, calming down with each puff. “Are you out of your fucken head? What do think this is – day care for, for, what did say once…? Turkeys?”
What comes around…
With an air of correctness, “My dear. Your unabashed appeal to the entitlement of the aristocracy does not become you. What is the root of your dissatisfaction? Is that little island across from Papeete too expensive this year? We can arrange…”
“Who told you about that? Damnit, Kevin! Is nothing private anymore?” She stomps away to the window. A Seabus crossing to the north shore takes her attention. She tries to parry with, “You still have that place in Samoa?”
Diversion. So, is this keeping up with the Joneses? My own diversion is in order…
“I have other interests, my dear. Trying to piece together the parts of a unique marketing campaign.”
“Like what? The last few years have pushed and blasted through all the boundaries. What else is there?”
Got me… Hmm… Oh. Games and gambling are always a good bet…
“A, ah, poker run.”
She turns to face Kevin. “That’s old hat. How can you pull that into this century?”
“Our people have come up with some pleasantly inventive ways of applying blockchain and even more advanced DLT – you are familiar with distributed ledger tech?”
Gives me time to think…
“Christ, Kevin. Do I look like a TeenyTwit?”
“Right. So, what I’m working on is a grand, ah, Rally… run by high profile, high power personalities… all using our DTL apps. The media’ll love it cause they can do their endless Breaking News shit, and it will need them to go to exotic places for the coverage.”
“Exotic places? How much is this going to…”
“Exotic for regular folks, like, ah, Whistler, Walla Walla…”
“You mean Bella Bella. Damn easterners.”
“Smella Smella – whatever. Around here. In fact, around the Island. Vancouver Island.” He gets up to pace as he thinks. “There’ll be stages of the Rally with each using different transportation modalities. Everyone gets the same thing for each Stage… The kicker is, it’s not just the old fashioned ’have to run each section at the right time’ Rally. There’ll be tough questions like, like Jeopardy at the end of each section and they get points for them as well as doing the driving. All run by our apps, and im-fucken-mutably recorded on our branded blockchain. Anyone in the world who registers – cha-ching – gets a cryptokey to see where all the points are going. It’s going to take over the twitterverse and every other ‘verse there is!”
Gotta write that shit down. Damn I’m good on my feet! Leslee should have it recorded. Text him to confirm.
As he reaches for his phone Sheila yells at him, “Put your damn phone away!…”
“Ok, Kevin. Sounds interesting. Gonna have sailing and flying in it?”
Her pet topics, recently. This is right on!
“Second and third Stages. Finishing with a bike run to, ah, Victoria.”
A brief nod and Sheila rises slowly. “Keep me posted, Kevin. Sounds very interesting.”
As she exits, Leslee’s phone dings quietly. A quick glance and he gives a thumb’s up to Kevin before the door zips closed.
Book signing Today! Simon Linkenfelder! Buy his book: My Ups and Downs in the Olympics.
The line of eager young buyers stretches out the door.
Inside, seated at a small table is Simon Linkenfelder, himself: The Wonderful One, as every sportscaster will dutifully add. Despite being an Olympian and having suffered through hours of autograph signings, Simon is not at all used to greeting so many fans while in a suit, particularly for “his” literary production.
Ghostwriter agreement should have included her doing these signing thingys for me.
His wrist is getting sore from writing the purchaser’s name and one of several designated short phrases after “To…”
His publisher’s marketing person and his designated handler, a senior lady who must have done this thousands of times, wears a sincerely pasted smile as she assists by confirming that each book presented for signing was just purchased.
Without seeing the purchaser, other than as “The Next In Line”, Simon politely says, “Which name shall I make this out to?”
This purchaser, a shy man just into his twenties, smiles sheepishly. “To David, please. And can you add To Joe, as well? He’s my dad. Late dad.”
Simon writes as bidden and decides on phrase number two for David: Reach higher and hold on tight! Then something snaps Simon out of automaton mode. He looks up at the fellow. “David? Did your father own a novelty import store off Queen Street?”
A big grin forms on David’s face. “Yes. Yes he did… Passed away last year.” The grin disappears and David bows his head.
“Oh My God! David! It’s so good to see you! And I am very sorry about your dad. I was very fond of him.”
Scenes flash by in his mind. Row of stores beside the clanging red trolleys. Joe – likeable Joe – putting boxed trinkets into a larger box to make up the order for Simon’s sister. Joe looking impish as he holds up a thicker-than-life-like nine-inch pink dildo: “Would you like I should put a few of these in, Simon? Her customers will get a kick out of them!”
Shaking his head out of the reverie, “Listen David, here’s my card. Call me, please. Later today. We can have a coffee after supper.”
David receives his signed book, places the card inside, then holds it close to his chest. “I’d love that, Simon. Sure. Can I text?”
“Of course! We’ll talk later. It’s really good to see you again!”
The rest of the lineup is a blur. All Simon can do is remember – especially that time Joe confided that he was a secret agent
For the Mossad and he had dearly wanted to fly, especially after the Yom Kippur War, but he had a heart condition that stopped him.
“Simon. You’re a pilot. I want for David to fly on his bar mitzva. Can you fly us someplace, so he can see what it’s like to be a bird in the air?”
“I’d love to, Joe. When…?”
“Next weekend. Can that be done? It would mean a great deal to me if you could do this thing.”
Markham Airport. Carrier landing. The Jeppsen said the main runway started from the edge of a cliff, and it was right on. Parked the plane – my good old white and blue Piper Clubwing – near the coffee shop. Joe and his son were outside the fence. Brought them around to my plane. Joe sat in the right-hand seat – co-pilot’s seat. I asked if David should sit up front but Joe was firm, “I need this, Simon.”
We headed for Lake Simcoe. Had to keep Joe’s heavy fingers off the dials and nav-com. “Joe.”
“WHAT? CAN’T HEAR.”
Adjusted his earphones. “Joe, why don’t you take the controls for a bit?”
“What!? I can’t fly!”
Showed him how to hold it straight-and-level in two axes. He was ham-handed. After a minute he gave me back control. “What does this do?” pointing at the Turn-and-Bank.
“It’s like a carpenter’s level. Tells me how much of a bank the airplane’s in, how level it is.” I put the plane into a thirty-degree left bank, adjusting with rudder pedals to stay straight. The Turn-and-Bank rolls to its midpoint.
Joe is fascinated. “David! See! We can see down past the wings!… Does it go further or will we fall out of the sky?”
“Sure. That was at 30. Here, this is 60 degrees.”
Joe strains in his harness, looking past me at what seems to be straight down to the ground, five thousand feet below. I hear a gurgle from David.
“David! You alright back there?”
A weak, “Yessir,” comes from the seat behind Joe.
Joe is excited. “Can it go the other way?”
“A right bank? Sure.” I more gently put my trusted Piper into a 60 degree right bank, fiddling a bit with the rudder pedals to keep it knife-edge. The view out their window is straight down.
Joe is turning red with excitement. “Isn’t that remarkable, David? Are you enjoying this airplane ride?”
A brief pause, a gulp, then, “Yes papa. Fun.”
“Good! Listen, Simon. Can you make it go up and down. Like a roller coaster?” He claps his hands in glee.
“Sure. Porpoising.” I ease into a dive and then pull up.
A sudden gurgle erupts as David nearly dumps his stomach down his dad’s back. Only the height of the seat saves Joe from the hot wet mess.
“David! Are you alright?” I turn to look but don’t want to see. “We’re heading around to Markham, Joe!”
Landed. Stopped. Joe climbs out and as he helps his son out of the back seat I say, “In piloting lingo, Joe, He what done it, cleans it.”
I come around to inspect the damage. David is wobbling toward the buildings.
Joe looks in to see what he has to do. Staring at the offensive mess he yells to David, “David! Come back here!”
A pale green David obediently returns.
Joe points at the floor where David did his thing. “David! You don’t chew your eggs!”
That was when Simon had to apologize profusely to the book purchaser into whose face he laughed loudly.
Simon meets up with David that evening at a local coffee shop on Main Street. The large room in the rear is full with individuals on their myriad devices, sipping occasionally from their favourite caffeinated beverage. With rare luck, a table for two is available in the middle of the room.
No outlets, otherwise, no seats.
David is reluctant to open up, at first. He listens with as much attention as he can muster while Simon answers the obligatory questions about the Olympics. A next-door listener fairly jumps out of his chair when he realizes this is the Simon Linkenfelder, The Wonderful One.
With a polite smile, “Not quite champion, I’m afraid. Two silvers and a bronze. But if you don’t mind, please, I am here for a quiet talk with an old friend.” He half-nods to the fan, to obtain his acquiescence.
“Oh! Ah, yeah. Sure. Yeah. Go ahead. I’m sorry…”
Quickly, “I was just wondering if you would mind autographing my, ah… anybody got a piece of paper?”
The fan searches desperately around until someone rips out a sheet of paper and hands it to him.
The fan almost trips on his table leg while retrieving the paper and again as he steps to Simon with it. Chuckles from a number of the others, along with many head shakes. Now everybody hunkers down to their devices, completely blind to their screens timing-out as they listen, heads averted, but with rapt attention to everything they can hear from Simon Linkenfelder, The Wonderful One.
He still has a Sharpie from the book signing and is about to ask “To whom should I sign this book”, but stops in time and just scribbles his signature-number-3 on the paper.
David is uncomfortable. He whispers, “I’m really sorry to drag you out into this public, public forum, Simon.”
Waving it off, “Not at all, David. My pleasure. Really… So tell me, if you don’t mind, David. How was your father in his last years?”
Very touchy topic, by his face.
“Oh, Simon. He suffered so much. His heart. It was torture for him. The doctors kept saving him and it only meant more torture. My mother was never the same. She spent 24 hours a day slaving to ease his pain… I couldn’t… I was at uni, up in Prince George, when he finally passed. I borrowed a friend’s old diesel and just kept the pedal to the floor for eight hours when mother called.”
Simon consoled David by holding his hand.
Was that a sob I heard? From the cold-blue hair two tables over?
“I’m so sorry, David. So sorry.”
Nods from a few tables.
David looks up into Simon’s face. “Every time we talked, then, before he… He always smiled when he spoke about how he flew your airplane.” David reflects the smile. Then so quietly, others shouldn’t hear, “And, of course, the story got better each time. I went along with it. With his memories, as they changed. If you ever meet my mother, Simon, please swear that you’ll say it was you who threw up and papa had to land the plane? Please?”
David’s pleading face would have softened Caligula.
Or maybe not…
Whispering, “Sure. Of course. I will forever be indebted to your father for saving my life.” He nods, to fix that in his mind.
Another sob from the lady-of-blue-hair. Next table wipes her eyes as unobtrusively as she can.
Better write that into my Contacts.
“David. I’d like to put you in my Contacts. Here…” He taps his way to the app. “I’ll let you enter the info.”
Do I detect a few jealous scowls around me?
That is when Kevin Ynqardi’s text shows up, much to Simon’s astonished stare.
Who the hell is Kevin Ynqardi? And how did he get my personal number… I’ll check that out later.
As they are reminiscing, Simon’s marketing person/handler can be seen at the entrance to the rear hall. Simon is not quick enough to hide his face.
Damn. Thought I could be rid of her for tonight.
She strides over to their table. Simon rises to greet her. “Hi Mary. Why don’t you join us? This is an old family friend, David. David, Mary.”
Her permanent smile is now tired but she manages a civil greeting. “Hello David. Pleased to meet you. I hope you don’t mind the company of an old lady amongst all these young…” Then she notices the fan who has continued to pay rap attention to Simon and David.
Not too quietly, “Dirty Jap!”
David is shocked. The kind of shock such as having a rapier thrust into your heart.
Simon is not sure if he heard correctly. He peers at the fan.
The fan hears the comment and rises, not knowing what to do. He stands in place, only his lips opening and closing limply. Someone reaches out, offering to steady him.
I wouldn’t be surprised to see dribbles of blood come from his mouth.
The sweet, refined, elderly lady spits it out again in his direction. “Dirty Jap.”
The over half-century of hatred has not lost its venom.
Honestly, I was going to say to her: Mary, that is not civilized. That is not the way to speak to another person in this day-and-age. To a young man who was not even born in the century in which your father’s terrible torture occurred.
I was going to expand into the philosophical realm, to remind her that humanity’s tribes have, every one, been both victim and perpetrators of tragic wrongs throughout our profoundly slow march out of raw animalism. We no longer put to the sword the children of our new mates, as do lions on the Serengeti. We strive for reasoned, respectful discussion when disputes arise.
I was going to implore her to take the harder, more obscured, civilized path to a higher culture.
But no, this ninety-one year old relic stumbled away babbling to herself, deaf to the astonished intakes of breath around her; not hearing a few who said, That’s just a blind old bitch.
I expected her to go off, find a drink and a deep chair where she would sit, her encrusted mind spinning in ever tightening circles as the internal echo-chamber reverberates, finally with no further substance other than the simple-minded hatreds she and her tribe have been nurturing for so long.
I dearly wish I could have said all this to her, but I was struck dumb by polite society.
David and Simon can no longer speak. David gets up and walks slowly to the fan, who had sunk back into his chair.
“I am really, truly sorry for what that old woman said to you. It was totally inexcusable and I am mortified to have been present when she said it. You, in no way, deserve to have been treated like that.” He turns to leave the fan in peace, then quietly says, “Can I get you a refill?”
Still in shock, the fan summons a slight smile. “Thank you. Thank you, no. I couldn’t…” Then in a pleading tone, “I’m not even Japanese. What’s she on about? … Who the hell does she think she is?” He looks around at others who are staring; some nodding.
Still standing sideways, kindly, “A bitter old lady whose mind has been forever shaped by the trauma. That is her only view of the world, now. Nothing can be done for her.”
Shaped by trauma. A wise old kid. Maybe he recognizes the effects from home. I like him.
Roselyn (Rosey), is a twenty-eight year old woman dressed in a fashionable short dress and tight sweater. Her colour choices today reflect the bright sunny days that have taken over for the summer. Her cubicle has pictures of places she had served in, while in JTF2. Rosie is lost in thought, staring at the pictures that contain no identifiable people or locations – only the landscapes.
From several cubicles away, her younger friend Elena, with a similarly coloured shirt, though in black yoga pants, comes to chat.
Rosey finishes typing and gets up. She takes her purse, confirming that her phone is inside. She and Elena head down the hall, close enough that they rub arms several times. With their outside arms, they both check for updates on their phones as they walk almost arm-in-arm toward the elevator. They have become good friends since Rosie’s first week here, a few months ago.
But first they need to hit the washroom together.
The cafeteria is loud with a hundred conversations. Pennants proclaim the monthly theme: South America.
Near Chiclayo, what was the name… Old Chapel of Jesus Eten. Peru is a world of its own. Old Spanish and so many local colloquialisms that a course in Spanish does not help at all. Swarthy stumpy local – nearly had to break the guy’s arm when he thought I’d just lay down like all his other girls. Ha! The look on his face!
Rosie smiles as she takes in the smells of spicy dishes wafting around the room. People flow slowly along the hot-foods line then disperse quickly into the large, airy room.
Rosey and Elena chat while in the food line. Rosey hears a ding from her phone and opens it to see the notification. Quickly, she appears to look away, examining closely one of the food items, in the process moving her phone away from Elena’s view. She closes her phone without further action.
Someone else who’s looking for a broken arm. Or worse.
Elena notices the move. “Who’s that? Your secret lover?” Her smile is anticipatory.
Rosey wants to shrug it off, then offers a wry grin, “El, honey, it’s just a missile from Kenney, your current flame. He wants to do us both under the totems in Stanley Park.”
“HUH!” Elena snorts loudly enough to make heads turn. “If that dim-witted nerd ever had a sensuous thought in his linear mind, it’d melt the contents of his bald head down his double throat!”
Nearby people in the line smile but keep their attention on the food options and the upcoming server at the counter.
“So why do you still have coffee with him?”
“Good question. ‘Cause he pays for my lattes?… Naw. ‘Cause he’d probably go postal if I dumped him? Maybe… How do we get ourselvesinto this shit?” Elena shakes her head.
Have to take the idiot aside for a private word. Later. Elena is still so young.
Taking their orders on trays, the two divide their attention between looking for an open table and checking out who is sitting with whom. Rosey sees Elena’s bald supervisor wink at her as he holds his phone suggestively. She automatically steers the other way, bumping Elena’s tray.
“Hey! Take it easy, Rosey. You see someone over here?”
Deliberately walking away from the winker, “No. I remember I get a cold draft from the main entrance area.”
And I don’t want to make a stink in here. Supposed to be easing quietly back into civilized society. It’s so very tempting to go over to that stupid ape and put into his place – half-way through a wall.
A more peaceful pursuit catches Rosie’s eye. “Oh! Isn’t that Shannon with the new-hire from IT? Why don’t we go over to play cupid? Or something?” They both giggle as they weave their way to Shannon’s table.
It feels delightfully decadent and immature to act decadently and immaturely.
Elena gets there first and stands beside the IT guy. She notices his couple days of facial hair growth. “Hey Shannon! You’re looking particularly glowing today.” She winks at the IT guy, who blushes and puts his head down, chin nuzzling against his white golf-shirt.
Rosey takes up a flanking position. “Ohh, I love that pink sweater, don’t you Elena? The frills add just the right touch. And I don’t think it quite exceeds his royal arseness’ rules for exposure.”
The IT guy perks his head up, briefly taking in a full view of Elena’s fulsome breasts a few inches from his head, “Royal Arseness?” He pulls his eyes up very briefly to notice Elena’s hazel eyeshadow.
Shannon feels she must rein in her friends with a few words of her own. “Oh, they’re making fun of the department manager. You know him, Billy? And, by the way, these two lovely gossips are Elena and Rosey. Rosey is new, too.”
Yeah three months new, too-full-of-yourself bitch.
Shannon nods at each in turn while an embarrassed Billy almost raises his eyes again to acknowledge them. “Billy is our new expert in Security App Installations and Troubleshooting.”
Rosey grins down at Billy, “SAIP?”
Stupid acronyms is this joint, too?
A smile and another extended perusal of Elena’s best, “Yeah. Better than Password Parsing and Totalizing.” He continues to smile at all three for a minute until it becomes clear they do not get his joke.
Elena takes a stab, “PPT?”
“No no. Passpartoot. Get it?”
Rolled eyes all around.
A nerd. Yellow-Lab-cute but not a threat. Short term, anyway.
“Shannon, honey, you’ve got your work cut out for you.” Rosey gives Shannon the eye and steers Elena to an open table nearby.
Elena glances back over her shoulder at Billy, who is following her with his eyes. Elena tosses her mostly blonde hair with a free hand. Billy gets a jab in the ribs from Shannon’s sharp elbow.
Next morning in the cubicles, Billy enters the office area shyly. He is now clean shaven and wearing a medium blue button-up shirt and grey dress-slacks. He is carrying a small briefcase.
Rosey sees everything that moves.
Neutral party in camouflage. Interesting…
Elena sees him, too, and holds her gaze on him for a while, confirming it really is the same scruffy-looking Billy she saw in the cafeteria. He sees her and makes a bee-line for her desk, negotiating the obstacle course of low dividers and plants.
Billy’s trajectory doesn’t take an extended series of logistical analyses.
A smile forms as Rosey sees the deliberateness of his approach. Still working on her computer, she continues to track Billy, and Elena’s reaction.
Non-com entering the field the battle – drawn like a bear to honey. Watch out kid, your fingers could get burned.
Billy arrives at his target. “Hi. Ah… I, ah, I’m doing a security audit. Just a random audit. And, ah, I was wondering if you have a few minutes?”
“Oh, hi Billy. Well, like, ok. If you can give me a minute so’s I can finish this off?” She nods at a spreadsheet on her screen.
In the cafeteria, Shannon is sitting with Billy. She has on another fetching blouse that might well exceed his royal arseness’ specification for skin exposure. Billy is distracted, not listening attentively to Shannon’s opinion on the outlandish cost of rentals in the city.
“Billy! I asked what you think. I hate it when you just mumble ‘Um’ at everything I say!” She is annoyed with his wandering eyes today. “Are you ok?” She leans toward him, opening up her cleavage more suggestively. “You have something on your mind?”
When a slight jiggle doesn’t capture his attention she leans back and combs a hand through her hair.
Billy continues to scan the arriving staff. As Elena and Rosey enter the cafeteria, he sits up.
Shannon deduces the object of his focused attention. “Elena and Rosey. Is that who you’re looking for? Billy?”
“Ah, yeah. I, ah, had to do a security audit this morning on, on Elena’s computer. Wanted to see if it’s still working ok.”
Shannon gives a perfunctory wave at Rosey. The line moves quickly and Rosey and Elena make their way directly to Shannon’s table.
Action places. Battle lines are quickly established.
Elena takes the chair next to Billy as Rosey and Shannon pass pleasantries.
Billy puts his nose down and munches loudly through his salad. After a minute his throat gets a message through to his brain regarding the excessive heat of the two jalapeño peppers he guzzled. “OW! AH AH WATER!”
There is no water but Elena gives him her orange juice. He grabs it and downs it desperately even as Rosey is trying to say, “You really shouldn’t. Water makes it worse…”
Bread, you dork. Has to absorb the shit, not spread it around.
Billy’s face turns a bright red as he struggles to breathe between gulps.
Shannon sits back. “Serves you right for inhaling your food like that… Are you alright, Billy?”
Rosey breaks off some of her bread and offers it to him. Billy takes it in one gulp, swallowing rather than munching.
Rosey is still holding her fingers out after his grab. “You should let the bread absorb…”
He swallows it whole. He starts to cough and choke. After an ineffectual cough, with his face changing from red toward blue, Elena slaps his back, then again, harder. Billy coughs more productively, spraying large wet bits around the table.
Friendly fire. I’ll call for a stitcher if the casualty needs it.
Shannon recoils, pulling her hands away from the table, “Oo! Yuck. Billy!”
He’ll be ok, no thanks to the bitch.
Rosey wipes a few pieces from her shirt then starts to clean up the table as Billy has more controlled coughs into his hand. “Well, never mind the mess. Clean-up in aisle three. I guess we’re not finishing lunch today.” Concerned with Billy, “Are you ok now?”
Billy nods sheepishly, wipes his mouth, then has a couple more clearing coughs. Elena has been holding him by his shoulders, all but enveloping his head in her bosom, giving a worried, motherly look.
Non-com is about to be in the line of fire.
Leaning forward, Shannon has noticed the support that Elena is giving him. She stands up and grabs his hand. “Come on honey. Let me take you to the washroom. We both need to clean up.” She flashes an angry glance at Elena. “If Elena hadn’t stuffed that bread down your throat you’d be alright.”
Elena is blindsided, “Huh? I didn’t…”
Really is a bitch.
Shannon shuffles Billy away.
Elena looks for support from Rosey, pleading, “I didn’t give him the bread.”
“Of course not. I did. It wasn’t the bread. It was the double dose of jalapeños. Don’t sweat it, El. Shannon is like that.”
“Well, why’d she accuse me…?”
“Listen, El. You were getting too close to her prize. You know that Billy’s family owns property in the west end?”
“Huh? What’s that got to do…?”
“Come on, kid. He was panting for you like a puppy. What do you expect her to do?”
“Like, besides not yelling at him for getting sick with those peppers? Poor guy. Didn’t think she was like that.”
Back at work, next morning.
Office noises – one-sided conversations with clients on the phone, chairs creaking – all under the bright lights of too many fluorescents and creeping bands of sunlight from wide windows on the south side.
Rosey stretches up from her chair and decides to take her mid-morning break. Elena joins her in the washroom.
As Rosey is washing her hands, Elena is in front of the mirror. This surprises Rosey.
“You usually leave that for the weekend battles.”
Elena is now self-conscious. She corrects a smudge with more powder on her left cheek. “Just… you know, being a little more presentable… Is it too much?”
“Don’t ask me, El. I’m not the target.”
“Huh? What do you mean?” Elena is getting agitated.
Step more carefully. She is now in full brainless mode.
“You look lovely, El. You really do.”
Elena calms down, checking her profile in the mirror.
It elicits a smile from Rosey. “Billy coming to do another security check?”
Elena stops, collects her accessories into her purse and asks testily, “So what if he is?”
“Nothing at all, dear. Nothing at all.”
As Elena turns to leave, Rosey can’t help mumbling to herself, “May the best woman win.”
At a bistro, that weekend…
Talk about brainless mode. Well, anyway, that’s what I need to do. Forget the real world.
Loud music, yelling conversations, lights flashing, gyrating dancers on the floor, small groups and twosomes more-or-less conversing at tables and on couches around the dance floor. Some are drinking, some are taking other forms of mind-altering chemicals. Much smiling and nodding.
Everybody is stoned one way or another.
Elena is dressed in a knock-out bright tangerine and neon blue combo that mostly contains her ample figure. Rosey is, in her own way, more subtly attractive in a light green and tan dress. They are both wearing high heels.
Elena’s heels look weaponized. God! I don’t know how long I’ll be able keep my feet in these things. A drink – a medicinal drink!
Occupying a white leather couch, their drinks are on a low table in front. An already empty glass sits behind Elena’s current drink. Elena is being unusually flamboyant with her arm gestures, attracting many appreciative glances and stares from nearby male dancers.
Shannon comes arm-in-arm with Billy as she leads him into the room. Her outfit is bright, tight and revealing but she is on edge. Billy is not at all comfortable in this environment.
That black golf shirt and dark grey slacks might have been appropriate a generation ago, Patrick Swayze.
Billy looks around for a corner to hide in.
Poor guy. He needs a one-bum foxhole.
The crowd is more dense in front of Elena, so she does not notice Billy and Shannon right away. Her sensors, however, are in high tension so when she does catch a slight glimpse of Billy, Elena rises immediately. Bending back down to speak to Rosey, she has to hold her breasts under cover. Yelling, with a bit of a slur, “I’m going to resupply. Want another one yet?”
Recon done. The battle is engaged.
Shaking her head, Rosey shows her half-full glass. Elena downs her own drink with a glug and heads for where she last saw Billy.
There will be fireworks. Confirm the exits.
Meanwhile, Shannon’s defensive antennas are in tune. She has detected the gathered crowd, presumed it to be around Elena, and instinctively steers Billy to the far side of the bar area.
Getting the attention of a bartender, she yells, “Two red wines, please. Large glasses.”
As Shannon pays for the drinks, she is dismayed to discover that Elena is already zeroing in on Billy. Elena’s approach takes her, rather aggressively, through the dancers. One of the guys objects to Elena’s drunken bump and turns to yell at her. She bats her eyelashes and deflects his anger with an air kiss and a forward lean. Elena swings unsteadily past the now-smiling dancer to resume her attack.
Meanwhile, Shannon has moved with Billy into a defensive position behind a couch. She places Billy with his back to a large light fixture that blocks the path to the other end of the couch, then pats the top cushion for Billy to sit on. Positions established, she smiles down to greet the couch’s mostly-oblivious occupants. The wall, a meter and a half behind the couch, is mirrored so it affords good 360o visibility.
As Elena approaches the couch, Shannon pretends to ignore her, while tracking her movements in the mirror. Shannon continues to keep Billy occupied with random yelled questions.
From the other side of the room, Rosey has stood up to better reconnoitre. She sees that Billy is being overwhelmed by the mass of datapoints hitting every sensor.
Billy is breaking through the wire and about to enter the minefield.
All Billy perceives is Shannon’s flapping mouth. Billy falls into a panic attack and pushes past Shannon, through the dancers. He bumps into the previously bumped dancer who yells at him. Billy starts to put his hands up to his ears to shut the world out but receives a quick uppercut from the angry dancer. A nearby dancer, seeing the unfairness of the attack, tries to get between Billy and his attacker. The Good Samaritan has to duck another swing from the now enraged attacker, who believes a group is after him. Meanwhile, Billy is on the floor, crawling away desperately from the developing brawl.
Back at the couch, Shannon takes the opportunity to blindside a distracted Elena, sending her down onto the couch occupiers.
Rosey sees the punch and rushes over to her friend, narrowly avoiding the shoving dancers.
Just help El. No Rambo shit.
Getting to a woozy Elena, who is being petted in various parts of her body by the four people she landed on, Rosey starts yelling at Shannon as the music is turned off. “YOU” music off “BITCH!” Quieter, “You took a swing at her when she wasn’t looking! What’s got into you?”
The ambient noise, devoid of booming speakers, gets louder as everyone starts yelling at each other. This has the effect of encouraging the fights to go on. Some bystanders are commenting on the action. From a few plaintive voices, “Will you all please just calm down?”
Someone turns the lights on to a dazzling brightness. Lasers no longer flash. The uncomfortable exposure suddenly stops most of the aggressive shoving. People begin to exit the field of battle, then the dribble becomes a general push for the exit.
The crowd erupts onto the darker street, lit only by orange streetlights, prompting a few to carry on the grudges they had developed in the bistro. A siren is closing in …
Company cubicles, Monday.
Elena arrives off the elevator to start her day with a smile. Already there, Rosey greets her cautiously with a whisper.
“El, that bruise is fully covered up. Just saying. Your kiddy grin might start to wrinkle the makeup, though.”
What do you call the opposite of ptsd?
“Yes, a lovely day, isn’t it? And how are you doing this fine Monday morning, Rosey?”
She got it bad, masta.
“Elena? Is that you?” Rosey takes Elena’s hands to hold her down from floating up to cloud nine.
“Don’t be silly, Rosey. I didn’t put that much makeup on, did I?” Suddenly concerned, she reaches for her mirror.
“No no. I mean, like, you hate Mondays. Did Shannon give you a concussion or something?”
With a touch of bemusement, “Shannon? Shannon who?”
“Ok. So, do you remember Billy?”
Elena starts to melt into a sugary creampuff. “Oh, Billy’s fine. Just fine.”
She starts to focus on Rosey, “He called me Sunday morning. He was sooo sweet. Wanted to apologize and all that so I said, like, ‘Let’s do lunch and you can pay and tell me all about what happened last night’. He came out of his shell. Totally. He said all it takes to get him comfortable is to, like, have lunch at the Sylvia. So we stayed and had supper, too. He talked forever. All about his parents, who he adores, and about sailing. Do you know what a baggywrinkle is?”
Elena eyes the stars dreamily, “Billy says it’s like a long mop-end that stops the chafing of a line next to a yard.”
Stifling a laugh, “Gotta remember that if my jeans get too tight.” Rosey looks up at the digital clock. “Off to work we go.”
She takes Elena’s hand with some concern. “Listen, kid. I know you’re in a zone, but this place is not that zone. Wake up, or his Nibs’ll be standing over your desk. Ok?”
Still in dreamland, “Fine.”
That’s when Rosey gets the text from Kevin Ynqardi.
Who the hell is Kevin Ynqardi? And how did he get my personal number… I’ll check that out later.
“A year ago, working for the land south of the Great White North…”
Canada is not particularly great but they tell me it’s bigger than America (yeah, I’m American! Damn right!) “I had a stroke. The stroke was a surprise, needles to say, and I guess more to my friends and family.”
The well-muscled former Navy Seal, Lawrence (Lance) Patrick is speaking as much to himself as to the cabbie. It was going to be an hour-and-a-half drive to downtown Vancouver, so Lance wanted to pass the time. He leans forward onto the front-passenger seat most of the way, speaking at the cabbie and keeping a close eye on the trip in from the Peace Arch Border Crossing. Fortunately, the cabbie doesn’t understand Lance’s accent very well so all he does is smile and nod at Lance in the mirror. It was going to be a treasure of a trip, even with a (legally, anyway) deadhead back to White Rock.
“Don’t drink more than a few glasses of beer a year and I’ve never smoked. So it seems the regular boxes of donuts from CreamyCrisp are the problem.”
Still are. But who’s to bloody-well know?
“Had the stroke on Monday, alone, while, ah, digging a deep hole.”
Entrenching in a snipper position in eastern ‘Ghan.
“That’s when, WHAM! It happened!”
The cabby is startled and stares in the mirror at his rough-looking passenger.
“Looking up from the, ah, floor, it was bloody frustrating that my whole left side had suddenly decided to go on strike. I used to climb ropes without a problem and now here I was in the dirt and I couldn’t even pull my damn body up to the, the top.
“Got bruises all over my back when I fell, then again when I crawled on my back to the sat-phone.”
Lance looks at the cabbie.
Shithead isn’t listening so it doesn’t really matter.
“Those bruises looked a lot worse later, ‘cause of the blood thinners they gave me – something called tPA.
“So there I am on my back, and I finally figured it must be a stroke. Me! How the hell do I get a friggen stroke? So then the only way to get help was to push on my back with my right arm and one live leg. I pushed against the shallow part where my phone was sitting up on top. With only one side working I pushed so friggen hard I scratched a bloody rut down my back against a rock. Couldn’t believe how goddamn hard it was!”
Still got no idea how I did it!
“Finally got high enough to reach the phone with my good hand. Called it in and it took almost as much trouble to tell the bastard on the other end that I was really having a friggen stroke!
“Then I had to flop back down without hitting my head, to, to get ready for the medevac to come.”
And find my weapon and get a signal light for the chopper to see my position as it flew overhead.
“The, ah, paramedics went through the stroke protocol.”
Every-friggen-stitcher I saw for a week goes over the same shit: “Where are You? How many fingers? Can you move this? Can you move that? I was ready to shoot the bastards!
“The the paramedics called it in right away. Some doc back in his office says, shoot him up with the wonder drug they took with them.”
Some kind of super blood thinner, I found out later. How the hell were they so sure it was the right kind of stroke? Found out later I would have bled to death from every pore in my head if it was the other kind of stroke… Well – better than a wheelchair.
“They evaced me and next thing I know there’s a crowd of doctors and nurses prodding and poking every part, and I mean every damn part of my body. Found out they cut open the main vein from my leg at my crotch and stuck in a filter to catch more of the little globs migrating up from the DVT. That’s deep vein thrombosis. Got that from flying around the world for years in the tiny seats they give you in airplanes.”
Jesus – maybe he is listening. Moving his legs like he has DVT.
“Gave me CAT scans and DOG scans and everything but frizzing my hair with x-rays.”
Gotcha. You’re smiling.
“As they wrapped me up on the operating table, the doc finished by saying, ‘Hold up your left arm and wave.’
“I did, and he says, ‘Take that picture! This guy’s the poster boy for what needs to be done right!’
“They kicked me out in a week. Nothing wrong with me after all that. Nothing. If those guys didn’t shoot me up with the super blood thinner by 2 to 3 hours I’d be in a wheelchair right now.”
Sent those stitchers a box of chocolates each – and a thousand dollars with it.
Lance smiles with the memory. “They didn’t want to say it was ‘cause of my years of airplane hours so they looked everywhere when I got back to Germany. HAH!”
The cabbies jumps and involuntarily swerves the car over the lane, then quickly corrects.
“Haha! Sorry, man. Was just thinking about the young newbie who had to ultrasound my cojones!”
The cabbie looks quizzically in the mirror.
“My nuts! Here she is taking my nuts and rolling the ultrasound thing around each one! HAH!”
They both have a good laugh.
“And there was this guy in the hospital in Germany who was my chauffer in the hospital. He takes me on gurney rides through all the back halls to get from one station to another. The guy has enough shards of metal and tattoos poking out of every part of his body that I can see! He could’ve been the willing victim of a low-velocity hand grenade! Hah!… Great guy, though.”
That’s when Lance gets the text from Kevin Ynqardi.
Who the fuck is Kevin Ynqardi? And how did he get my burn-phone number. This is fucken weird.
Lance texts back forth a few times; then, “Cabbie? How far is Whistler?”
from Dr. Michael Catchpole, author of Anxiety: Debug It Don’t Drug It:
The brain is not really a computer. This is merely a convenient analogy.
The key point I want readers of Anxiety: Debug It, Don’t Drug it to understand is that the brain is a physical entity composed of neurons and neurotransmitters. These are things one can touch and feel. The mind however, in my view, is metaphysical and thus cannot be held in one’s hand. It is nonetheless just as “real” as the brain.
Cognitive neuroscience is the field (along with philosophy) that attempts to bridge the gap between the physical brain and the metaphysical mind. The former, the study of how our brain works, is the discipline of neuropsychology. The latter, the study of how our mind works, is cognitive psychology. To date the gap between these two sub-fields of psychology is narrowing but remains very, very large. We do now know that the physical brain and the metaphysical mind have significant influence upon each other.
In terms of this bi-directional influence, drug companies look solely at the way drugs affect neurotransmitters, which then affect the mind. They have had some partial successes with this approach and certainly have derived remarkable profits from doing so. Importantly, however, and this is my central thesis of my book, simply drugging the brain, be it with medications or for that matter psychedelics, has proven a failure in treating the vast majority of mental disorders drug advertisements and media hoopla to the contrary.
My own view is that influence in the other direction (that the metaphysical mind can affect the physical brain and more importantly that it can be trained to fix itself ) has been much neglected perhaps in part because resultant treatments cannot be patented or monetized. To return to my point, “reprogramming” a mind (via CBT) is certainly more effective for the anxiety disorders than is drugging brains, though the latter approach is occasionally a good adjunct. Also it is true that changes in the physical brain that result from CBT may help solidify CBT treatment gains.
Others’ thoughts on this topic would be most welcome.
opioid crisis had several causes. The primary cause was the rampant
greed expressed by Big Pharma, as detailed in the cases against Johnson
& Johnson, and Purdue Pharma. Oklahoma Attorney General Mike Hunter,
supported by 48 other attorneys general, has taken on Big Pharma and
Even so, the people behind the corporations like the Sacklers are
twisting and turning to try to hold onto their billions of blood money.
The loud voices of the people must be heard saying, “That is enough!”
The deaths of thousands is enough! The suffering of hundreds of
thousands is enough!
Suckering the medical community into the role of shills for Big Pharma must stop!
Spreading addiction, destroying families, creating zombies of honest people must stop!
While opioids could have a place for alleviating suffering caused by
certain diseases, opioids and benzodiazepines have been unwittingly
prescribed for things like anxiety-related disorders. These are of the
mind, not the brain. The brain may be treated with invasive measures but
the mind should not be. That would be like taking a scalpel to a
thought. That is not the way it works. Books such as Anxiety: Debug It
Don’t Drug It, by Dr. Michael Catchpole explain the difference.
Send your support to Oklahoma Attorney General Mike Hunter by signing this petition. Help him carry on the fight for reason.
It was inspiring. It had drama. The audience truly were provoked to tears, and laughter. And there was some anger.
John Napier-Hemy read from his delightful memoir, Evacuee.
John is a young boy in the middle of WW2, in Victoria and far away from the action:
In addition to having my pockets stuffed with conkers, pellets, elastics, speargrass and blades of grass, I had a small bag of marbles. My best marbles had a red or yellow spiral embedded in the glass, but they were hard to get because of the war. Most of the time we had to put up with marbles that were a murky mixture of green, blue and brown. The worst marbles were called “doughboys”. They were made of baked clay and painted. They cracked almost as easily as our conkers did. The very best were the “steelies”. These were ball bearings that had been purloined from one of the shipyards. They had to be the right size. The small ones were practically useless. The big ones were impressive but impractical, but if you were lucky enough to have one just the right size you had an unbeatable shooter. I felt guilty when I had a steelie in my possession because they were supposed to be important to the War Effort. To play marbles you drew a circle in the dirt, put your marbles inside the circle, and then began by shooting from outside the circle. The boys who were really good at it knew just how to place a spin on their shooters so that they stayed exactly in place after hitting a marble out of the ring. If you knocked a marble out of the ring you were allowed to keep it. Try as I might I never learned how to place a spin on my shooter. Because I had to kneel to play marbles my knees were dirty and bleeding much of the time. This annoyed my mother who had to remove the gravel from my knees with a washcloth before she applied boracic acid and iodine. “For goodness sakes. Stay off your knees or you’ll wear them out altogether,” my mother said. “And don’t keep picking at your scabs. You’ll get an infection and anyway it’s disgusting.” I listened to my mother politely but I never changed my behaviour. How could I possibly play marbles without getting down onto my knees?
Evacuee, pp 63-65
Next, Ben Nuttall-Smith had the audience by the heart with his readings from Margot: Love in the Golden Age. The book is his homage to his partner of the past 16 years, “the best years of my life”. Here is a prescient poem by Margot called Kayaker:
Splashes near my feet. A half-crescent of sparkling sea. The webbed claw and feathered corpse of a sea bird whose spirit is here in the sea-smells.
Dried sea-weed mounds And lovely jeweled light shedding small waves revealing myriad colours on brightened stones. Sun warms my fleecy jacket – But the breeze is cool.
The lap/splash sounds get louder. The hollow woof of the curving water finds my attention. I love this moment. I treasure its fleetingness. I long to hold onto it. This is all I want!
A crab carapace rolls against the bird’s body. Seaweed wraps both dead things.
Not a bad place for a burial! I’m being splashed! I don’t want to move but the beach-space is being eaten by the incoming tide.
Stay here forever. Die here! Like the sea-bird and crab. Roll me in seaweed! Let the tide take me to the forever and ever. My spirit would be so grateful!
My bones rolling with currents My bones becoming sand – being swum over gracefully by fish.
Finally my minerals becoming the sea splashing on many shores, floating sea-birds, reflecting sunlight, being wind-blown into giant, roaring and crashing waves – thundering in praise of the beauty of the Earth.
Margot, pp 15-17
Dr. Michael Catchpole’s Anxiety: Debug It Don’t Drug It, was the serious part of the readings. He spoke of the inappropriate use of prescriptions for anxiety-related disorders. While anger was seething below, he professionally explained the causes of anxiety and PTSD, then gave two examples of the cure that is used by registered psychologists. Here is one of the examples of PTSD treatment he read from his book:
A recent (highly modified) example of the latter was, let’s say, a firefighter I had treated, successfully, for PTSD about 10 years ago. He had attended at a very bad fire that tragically included dead children being discovered at the scene. Recently this person came by to see me at my college office (I am retired from clinical practice but continue to teach university courses). He was concerned because his nightmares about the original incident had unexpectedly returned a couple of months ago. He had been to his family doctor who had prescribed Prazosin, an anti-hypertension medication also thought to help with nightmares. However the medication was not working and he wondered if I had any recommendations. My own view is that the nightmares were an effort by his mind (not his brain) to deal with what was a not unexpected re-flare up of his PTSD “mental malware”. I suggested that he might try backing off the medication under his physician’s guidance and instead re-do some of the exposure steps he and I had done when I saw him originally. Ultimately this would include re-visiting the location of the fire. We agreed that he would drive toward the fire site and when his anxiety got to a 7/10 level pull over and wait there for his anxiety response to drop. He would proceed with this series of steps, perhaps over a few days (each provoking anxiety in the 7/10 range) until he could actually stand at the fire scene and have his anxiety not rise above a 3/10. Subsequently, he reported back to me that the re-exposure was tough but that his nightmares had now resolved. While at the fire location, and not unexpectedly, he reported that he cried, which of course also is helpful. While people cannot always re-visit the locations where they acquired a trauma I do note with interest recent work with military combat veterans with PTSD indicating that “re-visiting” PTSD-inducing combat via virtual reality goggles also can replicate the therapeutic benefit of in vivo exposure.
Anxiety, pp 176-177
George Opacic spoke about the book he co-authored with Ron M. Craig, In a Cloud of Sails. He mentioned the series of remarkable adventures that the skipper and crew endured on their way across the Pacific to Australia. The one incident that had a few hairs rising on people’s necks was about Myrt, fortune-teller:
The day before the Consul General visited, and without any clue whatsoever of the existence of the Australian, Ron had, in some desperation, made a decision. He had handed Jeff $200 with instructions to purchase charts to Panama and into the Caribbean for at least as far as Jamaica. Jeff later said that he had no idea what possessed him that day. In a bit of a daze, Jeff had set off to buy the Caribbean charts as instructed. Carrying back his newly purchased charts, he realized in astonishment that what he was carrying was an armload of basic charts for the Pacific, out to Australia! With that realization, he stood on the sidewalk literally gobsmacked. Confusion rattled around his mind. His only rational explanation was to remember the time last year, between his initially shipping out on the Monte Cristo and later becoming skipper. Jeff was working on a dockside project called the Explorer:
In Bremerton, Washington, I had experienced the inexplicable. I had heard from the daughter of the Explorer’s owner that there was a fortune-teller in Bremerton who supposedly possessed amazing powers. I am not by nature a mystical or philosophical person and am certainly not superstitious, other than following the established seagoing customs of never, if possible, sailing on Fridays, always putting a gold piece under a mast before it is stepped, and never whistling up a wind. These rituals are kept more as tradition than from fear of consequences if defaulted. Cheryl, the owner’s daughter, convinced me that I might like having a reading from Myrt, the seer… Myrt invited me in and asked if I would like a cup of coffee. As soon as she said that, she corrected herself. “Oh yes, you drink tea, don’t you,” she stated. She returned presently with the cups on a tray and told me, “You’re a sailor, but not the type we have around here. You’re a real sailor. One who sails sailing ships.” I replied that I was not sailing on any sailing ship at the moment, but wanted to someday. “You will, within two months,” she predicted. “You are going on a long trip,” she said. Here we go, I thought. The next thing she will tell me is that I will meet a dark stranger who will make me wealthy. That should be in the script. I asked her to expand on this. I admitted that a ship I was interested in was planning to sail to the Caribbean to charter there. “No, it’s not going to the Caribbean. You are going to take her to Australia.” Australia? Nobody had mentioned Australia to me before. “You’ll be greeted by thousands of people including heads of state and royalty,” Myrt predicted. “You’ll have difficult times, naturally, but everything will be all right in the end.” I thought the prediction about heads of state and royalty a bit over the top, but it made a great way to spend the afternoon. If nothing else, I was getting my money’s worth… I thanked Myrt and said that maybe I would see her again. No, she told me. She had intimations of her own mortality… She died shortly after that. And her predictions about me were eerily correct, for reasons I cannot explain.
Perhaps Myrt had been instructed by Captain Cook. Indeed, the mysterious appearance of the Pacific charts were to become very useful.
“First, you have to be able to afford
to retire,” mumbles Ian, an almost-retired businessman.
Ian is seated on a lichen-encrusted rock
beside the trail that leads to Elk Falls Bridge. The chain-link sides of the suspension
bridge still glisten with dew in the morning. Rushing water from the river below
provides overpowering music for the idyllic area. Ian closes his eyes as he
takes in a deep lungful of pine forest air.
Ian is alerted by scuffling noises from up
the trail. He sees a thin eighty-year-old in light shorts, white tee-shirt with
a small pack bouncing on his back, using jogging sticks to propel himself toward
the bridge and past Ian’s rock. Giving a quick glance in Ian’s direction, without
slowing down the jogger holds his sticks up while striding down the bridge’s
slope. A lone woman tourist who has been standing quietly in the middle of the
bridge looks up in annoyance at the bouncing caused by the jogger. Then the
watcher is caught in fascination, seeing the athletic gent, older than the
watcher by at least ten years, bearing down on her until he squeezes past and
works his wiry legs quickly up the far side to disappear down the path.
The watcher stands with both hands gripping
the top of the chain-link barrier, staring at where the jogger had so briefly
A large plastic cup of fruit and a muffin
are half-consumed on the large rock next to Ian. Absently taking his metal fork
in hand, he keeps his eyes on the bridge: the jogger’s bounces have become slow
sways; the watcher turns her head to stare back down at the rushing water below
the bridge; a raven calls nearby; the watcher shakes her head slightly then
takes her blue baseball hat and tosses it into the water.
Without registering what he is actually
seeing, Ian continues taking in the scene as the watcher stretches a stiff leg
up to try to put it over the chain-link barrier. It won’t quite reach.
Ian suddenly finds himself beside the watcher.
The bridge is still bouncing from Ian’s headlong
Puffing a bit, Ian tries to be nonchalant. “Breathtaking
view, isn’t it?”
The watcher lets her inflexible leg back
down while holding on tightly because of the bouncing bridge.
“What view?” The watcher drops her gaze. “That
water is rushing almost as fast as time.” She shakes her head, “No time left…” She
leans against the hard chain-link, wanting to drop over.
Ian touches the watcher’s shoulder. “My
name is Ian…”
“Bugger off, Ian.” The watcher continues to
press against the metal fencing.
Just wanting to keep talking, Ian searches
for something to say. “Can’t bugger off, I’m afraid. Part of the human race… As
are you. Have to stick around. Part of the contract.”
The watcher half shakes her head but turns
annoyance into a polite retort. “Ian. I’m not with that bunch anymore. Not
human. Your contract doesn’t apply to me. Thank you anyway, but… bugger off.
They stare at each other for a quiet minute.
Ian sees a generation of yellow-tinged wrinkles that make up the watcher’s face;
hollow eyes that used be blue, perhaps, but are now corroded gun-metal grey;
salt-and-pepper hair that is uncombed and lies limply against her shoulders;
her clothes have been unwashed for months.
“I’m an addict. Used to be just a drunk.
There’s nothing left inside. Nothing to save… Leave me alone and go back to
your nice life.”
Still at a loss for words, “I can’t pretend
to know how you feel…”
“My god, I hope you never know how I feel,
Ian. It would kill you, too.” The watcher turns away to stare at the river
below. “Used to have a family, a house. No dog. Wanted one. He didn’t… Had a
car accident. Can’t even remember it much. They say I hit someone. I remember a
slice of a picture of me hitting the other car after that. Woke up in hospital
and they starting stuffing needles into my good arm and leg. It was a good blur
after that. For a few hours. Then I cried for more… Kicked me out and said I
should see a shrink. And a lawyer. She hated me. Said I killed…”
The watcher’s eyes well up and her face writhes
“The shrink gave me needles and then pills.
They made my mind into a tub of molasses, only not sweet. Just thick and grey.
But I needed more. More pills. Then more needles. Then everyone left me.” Her
now ugly face turns to Ian. “The human race walked away from me!”
She shakes the chain-link fence, cutting her hand on the sharp edges. She absently licks the blood.
Following an older minivan down a rough paved road in the northern part of Vancouver Island. We pass endless trees growing close to the road, held away by ditches on either side. The drive is marred by clearcuts and fire-kill that rape the low hills, scarring the land for generations.
The minivan driver’s head can be seen nodding aggressively to heavy metal that could be heard if I left my window open. I keep it closed to shut out that and the motorcycle’s racket from behind me. It has been following on my bumper for an hour, refusing to pass, just droning endlessly.
Heading toward a slight bend in the road, the minivan driver’s
nodding has become quiet. He wakes up just in time to lose control as he plummets
down the near bank, does a lovely pirouette along the far bank, then rolls back
down into the centre of the ditch, bouncing, and finally ending upside-down in
the wet weeds.
As I slam to a stop on the narrow shoulder ahead of the
minivan, the motorcycle screeches hard behind me and overcontrols, sending that
driver into a high flip over his bike which lands him half into the ditch ahead
I get out in a panic and decide to rush over to the motorcyclist. He is lying in a spread-out heap with his neck at a gut-wrenchingly weird angle. Not wanting to move his neck in case it is broken, I figure out how to carefully raise his helmet visor. Blood is dribbling from his mouth into his beard and his eyes are shut. His chest is not moving.
Since the motorcyclist is, at best, beyond my ability to
help him, I turn away to slip down the ditch to reach the overturned minivan.
Through the cracked windscreen I can see the back of a very corpulent
man sprawled out on the inside roof behind the front seats, incongruously collecting
things and putting them into a large kitbag.
As he sees me try to open the passenger door he violently waves me away. Confused, I back off. The driver continues, more quickly, to grab small pieces of paper from around him and stuff them into his kitbag. As he rolls over to reach across his bulbous chest, I see blood pouring down the side of his forehead. At this time, his head slumps fully against the floor, with his thick tattooed arm plopping off his chest to slide beside his body.
I grab the door handle and, after a couple hard pulls, yank it open. The strong smell of weed is even more prominent than it was outside. The driver remains still but I am encouraged to hear a low groan.
There are crumpled twenty and fifty dollar bills scattered everywhere inside the minivan. A pistol lies near the driver’s feet. Hairs begin to rise on the back of my neck. I think about just backing away from this scene.
Shaking my head, I take one of the bills and use it to wrap around the barrel of the pistol, tossing it out the door behind me. With several clean tissues I had stuffed into my pocket while getting out of my car, I gently wipe the blood from the driver’s eyes. He opens them and I can see that he is focusing on me. I don’t know why I notice that tissue bits have collected in his stubble.
“Take it easy – are you hurt anywhere else?”
He puts his free hand up to his head. It comes away with
blood all over his fat fingers. I give him the wad of tissues. He awkwardly
wipes away more blood.
“You should apply pressure to the cut… Hold the
tissues tightly against…”
He twists away but then slumps back down, out again.
I take the tissues from his hand to apply gentle
pressure to the head wound. A few minutes pass. He rolls his head away from my
pressure but I leave the tissues on the cut.
“Don’t pull the tissues off yet. It’ll start bleeding
The driver raises his hand up to the tissues then decides to
Twisting his head with difficulty, he stares directly at me. “Who are you? You a cop?”
Smiling, I shake my head, “No. I was driving behind you
when I saw you roll. It looks like the airbags stopped you from going through
the windshield. Are you ok, other than the cut on your forehead?”
The driver thinks for a bit, moving his free arm then his legs. “Help me turn over. I, ah, have a lot of cushioning.”
I pull on his shoulder and hip to get him flat on his
“Left arm. Feels… Shit. Something wrong with my
He lifts up his left arm and tries to flex his hand. “Goddamnit!
Can’t move my hand.” Then he remembers his kitbag and the bills. He grabs
my arm in a powerful grip with his right hand. “Put back everything you
took! Or I’ll…”
He looks around for his pistol.
Calmly, “Take it easy, friend. I didn’t touch your
money. Let me help you outside. Oh! There was a motorcyclist who flipped
right after you did. Let me help you out then I’ll see if he’s… He
didn’t look good.”
“Well, his neck looked broken…”
“Good. Leave the fucker there. Was tailing me.
Help me get to my knees. Have to…” With that, the driver’s eyes go blank
and he slumps back down.
Confused, I feel his grip on me release so I back out of
the minivan. The pistol is just outside the door. Making a decision, I
take a tissue from my back pocket, pick the pistol up with it, then, still
wrapped, I stuff the pistol into my back pocket with other tissues.
Waiting a minute to think, I see the driver wake up once
more. He touches the tissues on his wound but leaves them. With enormous
effort, he rolls onto his right side then uses his good arm to get to his
knees. Ignoring me, the driver once again starts collecting the loose bills
around him and pushes them into the kitbag with one arm. It gets
overflowing-stuffed. Absently watching the scene, I make up a number, mumbling
under my breath, “Two hundred thousand?”
The driver stops and grins at me. “Close. You’re a cop, right? No problem. With Shitface dead, I’ll give you some of this if you drive me to the ferry… No questions. No fuss. Just free money. I can disappear and you can do what you want with… shall we say, ten grand? Ten big ones and all you have to do is drop me off at the ferry. You can be my Uber driver.”
He resumes collecting bills then reaches for another bag.
The driver doesn’t raise his head as he adds, “Make up your mind
before someone else comes along.”
It is tempting. I pat the pistol in my pocket then shift it,
feeling through the cloth, so that the handle is up.
Slyly, “You got the gun. What’s to worry about. Here,
take this full bag and zip it for me while I finish off in here.
As he rises to swing the kitbag out awkwardly with his good
hand, he hits the ceiling/floor of the minivan. “OW! DAMNIT!”
The tissues fall off his forehead and the cut opens up
again. It doesn’t pour out as quickly as before but it still needs to be
staunched. With my last few tissues from around the pistol, I reach in to
help the driver. He tries to grab my arm again. I back off.
Throwing the tissues at him into the minivan, I back off. “Clean yourself off, this time. If you can’t trust me I guess I’ll have to go report the accident.”
“Wait!” The driver leans onto his left elbow
and holds his right hand toward me. More quietly, “Wait a minute. Not
in any shape to argue.” He smiles, “And here you are trying to
help a fat old accountant while I… Listen. You got all the cards. All I
got is some money. You say you’ll help me for twenty thou and that’s the
deal.” He bends his thick neck enough to look me in the eye.
“What do you say?”
What would YOU do?
(adapted from a narration of an incident by John Wilson)